sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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