I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
