dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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