My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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