I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
