Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
