Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
