I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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