I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
