Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
