I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
