Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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