I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
