i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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