it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
