I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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