That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
