I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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