goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
