why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
