this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
