I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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