it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
