Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND