he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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