After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?