I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.