Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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