I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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