So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?