there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got her a Nickelback box set.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed