its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
