i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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