My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
