update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
