got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
