I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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