On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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