i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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