I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
