I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize