tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the day after is always just damage control
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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