He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
