i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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