my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
