matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
