Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
