i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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