I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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