Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
