just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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