Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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