Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Found your dick twin last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
