My room smells like vodka and shame
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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