New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
