so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
