apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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