Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
