I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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