i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
