A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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