I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
