bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
