Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
