I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
